Wasted Years

Nostalgia can be dangerous, at least for me. For example, on my commute to work this morning (a 40 minute/75 mile one-way trip I could drive in my sleep), for some reason I thought about the video for Iron Maiden’s “Wasted Years.” My mind then bounced around as I recalled the multitude of metal bands I used to worship as a junior high schooler/aspiring speed metal guitarist.

I should download all the Iron Maiden albums I used to have. I thought. Remember all the awesome Maiden posters Rich Mantino used to have in his room? Oh shit, remember that boombox Gregg used to have, with all the Batman stickers on it? I wonder if he still has that? Probably not. I haven’t heard Suicidal Tendencies in so long. Rocky George was from Braddock. Wonder what he’s up to nowadays. Remember that eBay auction a couple years back that had one of his guitar rigs for sale? I wonder who has my Ibanez that I traded in for that DeArmond several years back? I should have never sold that guitar. Fuck.  

It cycles and cycles, bouncing from randomly connected idea to randomly connected idea. My experiences growing up are so integrally tied to music that it’s almost impossible to hear a song from the time period in question (late 1980s/early to mid 1990s) without triggering a thousand memories.

In my current mental state, it seems only right that “Wasted Years” is the song that popped into my mind while commuting to a job that I have no passion for, no connection to, no interest in (I’ve just passed the 2.5 year mark, but who’s counting). What’s funny is, I actually stopped keeping a blog about a year ago because it always seemed to digress into long ranting posts about how much I dislike my job (real original for a blog, as there are a million buffoons who can and do currently write on the topic). But here it is, almost a year since pulling the plug on The Beautiful Destruction, and I’m back to ruminating on the same topic. Maybe there’s a theme here. Without going into a long explanation about my personal choices in life, or decision to stay at my current job (the reasons are practical and support-related in nature), I’ll just leave it at this: I’ve promised myself to make active changes in my life this year (my 30th on planet Earth). Somewhat surprisingly — considering my first child was born this year, which has made for a complete upheaval of life as I knew it – I’ve made great strides.

Namely, I’ve finally shed a lot of the unecessary weight that has traditionally bogged me down (i.e. too many freelance writing assignments, not enough time, fracturing my focus on the The Good Work as I like to call it). To explain, The Good Work is comprised of two things: 1.) PSNCTRL (this creative imprint you’ve arrived at via some link or another; a labor of love that I’m seeking to breathe new life into in the coming months) 2.) Writing a book. This is the task I’m focusing my energy on right now.

We’ll see if I can pull it off. I have faith in myself, but there are so many moments when that faith is shot to shit. Maybe that’s normal, or maybe I’m just an asshole. Ha.